ClickHole Work

I’ve spent nine years working at ClickHole, including the past four as editor-in-chief. During this time, I’ve written over 900 articles, made dozens of videos, and was named one of America’s most innovative comedians. I became a co-owner of the site after we went independent in 2020. Check out a small selection of my ClickHole writing below.

9 Geese Who Have Taken Over My Daughter’s Bedroom And What Each Of Their Jobs Seems To Be

(Headline and article)

I Don’t Let My Kids Watch Winnie The Pooh Because I Don’t Want Them Idolizing A Fat Virgin

(Article)

It’s Your First Day At A New High School. Can You Become Popular?

(Headline and article)

‘May I, Papa?’: McDonald’s Is Releasing A New Fig And Ladyfinger McFlurry For Fancy Little Boys Who Desire A Treat

(Headline and article)

The Oral History Of Michael Jordan’s Legendary ‘Flu Game’

(Headline and article)

The Oral History Of Michael Jordan’s Legendary ‘Flu Game’

(Headline and article)

’90s Kids Rejoice! The Spider Eggs They Used To Fill Beanie Babies Are Finally Hatching!

(Article)

Behold These Wonders From Afar: Pine Apples, The Edible Jewels Of The Far East

(Headline and article)

Meet Gruncheon, The Newest American Girl Doll

(Headline and article)

Let’s Do This, Internet: We’re Launching A GoFundMe Campaign To Buy Bob Dylan A Brand-New Sleep Number Adjustable Bed!

(Wrote and carried out entire project)

Two Years Ago, This Man Was 500 Pounds. Now He Is Two Men Who Weigh 250 Pounds.

(Headline, script, and direction)

Do You Have What It Takes To Be Yoda’s Live-In Caretaker?

(Headline and article)

Ah, Fuck: These Waterfalls Are 100 Percent Beef

(Headline and article)

Can You Keep An Eye On The Pope For Just Five Minutes?

(Headline and article)

Do You Have What It Takes To Show The Ninja Turtles A Good Experience At Church?

(Headline and article)

The Greatest Restaurant In The World: Discovering A New Era Of Food At Noma

(Headline and article)

8 Photos Of Fat Emma Stone That I Have Brought To You From My Dimension At Great Personal Cost

(Article)

Holy Fucking Shit: Fargas The Foreign-Exchange Student Just Cracked His Head Open In Gym Class And Is Shrieking Like A Motherfucker

(Headline and article)

Hello From My LIBERAL TEARS BATHTUB Where I Wash My CREASES With LIBERAL SNOWFLAKE TEARS To Deal With My AGGRESSIVE Skin Problem

(Headline and article)

Without Abstinence-Only Sex Ed, How Will The Young Ones Know Where Their Genitals Mustn’t Go?

(Headline and article)

Such Assholes: The 7 Wisecracking Fetuses Who Live In My Microwave, Whom I Hate

(Headline and article)

It’s The Sponge. You Love The Sponge.

(Headline and co-wrote article w/Adam Levine)

Heartbreaking: This Elderly Woman’s Family Thinks She’s Lying About The Fact That ALF Is A Janitor At Her Nursing Home And Sometimes Bullies Her

(Headline and article)

These Letters Between Ted Williams And Rosa Parks Provide A Wealth Of Insight Into The Struggle For Civil Rights And Hitting Lots Of Dingers

(Headline and article)

Can You Help Your Dad Lose His Virginity At The Super Bowl?

(Headline and article)

Behold The Powerful Ass Of The Bee!

(Headline and script)

Jesus, They’re Really Taking This Hard: The 7 Unaccompanied Toddlers Who Showed Up At My Grandma’s Funeral To Mourn And How Intensely Each Was Grieving

(Headline and article)

We Asked 22 Exterminators To Describe The Most Advanced Bug Civilization They Ever Had To Destroy

(Headline and article)

Having Fun Is Great. So Why Do We Sometimes Not Have Fun?

(Headline and article)

The ClickHole Clean-Eating Challenge

(Headline and article)

This Is Probably Not Going To Win Us Any Goodwill, But We Asked 22 Ice Cream Truck Drivers To Tell Us About The Fattest Kids They Ever Served

(Headline and article)

Get Excited, Children! It Is Cigarettes!

(Headline and article)

Fed Up: The CIA Is Tweeting That If Your Terrorism Includes Computers And Emails, How’s About You Drop The Pussy Shit And Fly A Plane At Us Like A Man

(Article)

7 Firework Pranks We Did On Mr. Daley Today Before Someone Told Us That His Wife Of 62 Years Had Just Died

(Headline and article)

Lucky To Be Alive: Harrison Ford Had To Be Rescued This Morning After Getting Stuck Inside The Gears Of Big Ben

(Headline and article)

This Song Was Originally Going To Be The ‘Jaws’ Theme Until John Williams Changed His Mind At The Last Minute

(Headline, article, and song)

Slimer Gave Me The Courage I Needed To Accept My Homosexuality

(Headline and article)

Stubborn Little Leisure Lords: 6 Tricks For Luring Your Hedonistic 7-Year-Old Out Of The Sauna

(Headline and article)

Everything We Currently Know About Tubes

(Headline and article)

Learn Attack: What Happens To Our Bodies When We’re Fucking?

(Headline and script)

The Owl Who Got A Job

(Headline and article)

Behold: The Children Of Others

(Headline and article)

Can You Cheer Up These Lonely Widowers?

(Headline and article)

Hell Yes, Baby, It Is The Special Choo-Choo Medicine Called Coal! The Patriotic Vegetable That Comes From Mountains!!!

(Headline and article)

I Put On A Fat Suit To Understand What It’s Like To Be Your Mom

(Article)

‘That’s Why Their Heads Were So Large And Misshapen’: The Creators Of ‘Rugrats’ Just Revealed That They Made The Babies Look That Way To Show What Happens If You Vaccinate Your Children

(Headline and article)

‘He’s Not A Good Character At All’: Disney Has Announced That It’s Honestly Pretty Baffled By The Continued Popularity Of Mickey Mouse

(Headline and article)

Yes! Ham Goes Up An Escalator

(Headline and concept)

Look At This Amazing Letter Meryl Streep Wrote Steven Spielberg Asking To Play E.T. From Nearly 20 Years After The Film Was Released

(Article)

Heartbreaking: Twin Brothers Beg Themselves To Stop Wrestling

(Script and direction)

Why We Yawn

(Headline and article)

The 2 Types Of Motorcycles That There Are

(Headline and article)

Why, O Why Did The Wise Ape Leave Us?

(Headline and article)